Fire Coach Spoelstra!!

Keep the Heat Hot!

You Could Say the Heat is On

Dear Pat Riley,

Your quibbling about the full extent of our deal is starting to irritate me. Yes, I agreed to make sure that you’d have Dwayne Wade, LeBron James, and Chris Bosh together on the same team. It took a great deal of wrangling and personal appearances to make that work and you certainly can’t argue that I didn’t come through on that part of the deal. After all, I may be Satan, but I always deliver on the letter of my contracts.

However, despite your incessant emails, texts, and calls, I never once guaranteed that the Miami Heat would actually win any more games, much less a championship, as a result! That’s an entirely different deal altogether that will require many more souls than yours. Perhaps if you threw the coaching staff into the bargain, I might be able to make it work. However, it is not a part of our pre-existing arrangement and further stating that it is, especially in terms and with a frequency that would put the clingiest ex-girlfriend to shame, is just going to further raise my wrath. Here’s a hint, Pat; the last time I got really angry, it was last year and it was at the New Jersey Nets.

It’s nothing personal, Pat; I just don’t think you understand the true price of a championship. For example, I own Phil Jackson’s soul through his next 22 reincarnations (I enjoy dealing with Buddhists for just this reason.) But even Jackson needed help to get Jordan back in the league; I got the souls of his whole staff to make that happen; even my powers weren’t enough to make Scottie Pippen effective without MJ. What I’m saying is that championships are expensive; to put it in your terms, take your suit collection and multiply that by a factor of about 200 and you’re about halfway there.

I hope you can start to understand the extent of a commitment necessary in order to win a championship. I know you’ve personally done it without my help before, but you had players back then who were willing to sacrifice more than blood, sweat and tears, if you know what I’m saying. Besides, especially in today’s NBA, it’s harder to win a title without some help from your friends on the other side. The last team to win without my assistance at all was the 1979 Seattle SuperSonics. I think we know how that ended up turning out, don’t we, Pat?

As happy as I am to see you finally in my majestic service, I’m afraid I can’t do much more for you without a greater commitment. Spoelstra seems as if he might be ripe for the picking, so you might want to discuss a bargain with him. That, or you can ask him if he wants to “spend more time with his family;” I know it’s worked for you before. Please let me know, Pat; it’d be a pleasure to keep on doing business with you.

Infernally Yours,

Lucifer, the Man Goat

Top 10 Reasons Why the Miami Heat will Fire Erik Spoelstra

The Miami Heat erupted into the NBA season amid fireworks, fanfare and a whole lot of swagger. However, once the season got under way, that quickly gave way to bickering, name calling and finger pointing. Even worse than the infighting has been the losses, which have pushed the team to near .500, a mediocre 5th in the Eastern Conference, and looking less like world champions and more like a lottery team. Who’s to blame? It’s the Wade Phillips of the NBA, a.k.a. Erik Spoelstra. Here are the top 10 reasons why Erik Spoelstra will soon be fired.

Fire Erik SpoelstraFire Coach SpoelstraFire Coach Spo

10. He thinks he’s already a winning coach. Erik Spoelstra still has to convince people that he actually works in the NBA because nobody recognizes him.  With that in mind, it’s hard for him to win with the ‘tough guy’ approach he’s been using with his star players; it just isn’t inspiring them. Erik, you’re not Stan Van Gundy so lose the attitude, and sorry to break it to you but you’ve won 100 games in your career, not 100 rings.

9. Forcing LeBron to play the point. LeBron doesn’t want to play the point guard position, but his coaches, including Spoelstra, think that’s the best way to use him. This underscores the fact that Erik just doesn’t understand his players. Yes, ‘Bron’s a good passing forward, but he’s not a point guard and the Heat have guards that could bring the ball up and get it to James. Let them.

8. Acting as though nothing is wrong. There are losses piling up, players complaining, fans losing interest, and yet Spoelstra either says nothing or acts as though everything is fine. If he keeps it up, he’ll be watching the Heat on television.

7. The “Fan Up” campaign. Speaking of fans losing interest… Forget about offering fans incentives to come to games, how about offering them a winning team with a real coach? You have three of the best players on this planet and you have to beg the fans to show up? Are you kidding me?

6. No in game adjustments. Spoelstra’s known for preparation, but it seems like once he comes up with a game plan, he never wavers. That means that other teams are adjusting, while he isn’t. I mean, seriously Spo…can’t you be wrong sometimes? Can’t you come out of the half and switch up your game plan?

5. Spoelstra can’t coach big egos. With three of the best players in the league on his roster, you’d think that he’d figure out some way to get them to play together. However, he proved last season that he doesn’t understand chemistry, and this year he’s also showing that he doesn’t understand offenses. Now LeBron’s “bump” reveals just how weak the team’s bond is, and instead of dealing with the issue, he sweeps it under the rug claiming not to have even noticed it. C’mon Erik, we all saw you spin halfway around after the bump from ‘Bron. We saw it in slow-mo. The truth is, you can’t control your players, can you?

4. Someone has to take the blame. Fair? Maybe not, but realistically it’s a fact. On one hand, you have LeBron, the two time reigning MVP and possibly the most famous player in the NBA right now. On another you have Miami’s beloved star D-Wade, who won a championship and arguably should have an MVP of his own. Then, you’ve got Bosh, a dominant power-forward who led a terrible Raptors team to the playoffs.  Each has been an all-star, each has been selected to an All-NBA team, and each was a top 5 draft pick. Finally you have Erik Spoelstra; a third-year coach with no championship experience. A team with such incredible buzz around them is failing to meet their potential. Someone has to take the blame and the fact is that Erik Spoelstra is the most replaceable part of the Miami Heat equation.

3. Lost belief. The team is breaking down and the media is talking. The dream team is gradually turning into a nightmare. As Dwayne Wade himself pointed out no one is doing well, not the players and not the coach. If the players don’t believe in the team, how can you ask the fans to?

2. There’s only so much time. It’s still somewhat early. Yet the further we get into the NBA season, the slimmer the chance of a Heat championship run becomes. We have players that have proven they can work together (remember that Olympics thing?), so we know what the problem is. Or rather WHO the problem is. Sooner rather than later, the organization will have had enough. Spo, you’ve got to go.

1. Spoelstra’s never won anything. Recalling the Heat’s 2006 National Championship season, a powerful Pat Riley stepped in to take over a Heat team that was just one game over .500, ultimately leading them to victory. Riley has 7 championship rings to show for his storied career, which is 7 more than Erik Spoelstra. NBA players are notorious for only following someone who’s ‘been there’, meaning, played in the league and preferably won a title or two. Phil Jackson and Doc Rivers command respect, but Erik Spoelstra looks like he wandered off of the set of a CBS sitcom.

Meanwhile, one of the best coaches in NBA history is staring down at Erik Spoelstra from the front box office. How long will it take until that stare turns into action?

The Miami Heat erupted into the NBA season amid fireworks, fanfare and a whole lot of swagger. However, once the season got under way, that quickly fell aside to bickering, name calling and finger pointing. Even worse than the infighting has been the losses, which have pushed the team to near .500, a mediocre 5th in the Eastern Conference, and looking less like a world champion and more like a lottery team. Who’s to blame? It’s the Wade Phillips of the NBA, a.k.a. Erik Spoelstra. Here are the top 10 reasons why Erik Spoelstra will soon be fired.

10. He thinks he’s already a winning coach. Erik Spoelstra still has to convince people that he actually works in the NBA because nobody recognizes him. With that in mind, it’s hard for him to win with the ‘tough guy’ approach he’s been using with his star players; it just isn’t inspiring them. Erik, you’re not Stan Van Gundy so lose the attitude, and sorry to break it to you but you’ve won 100 games in your career, not 100 rings.

9. Forcing LeBron to play the point. LeBron doesn’t want to play the point guard position, but his coaches, including Spoelstra, think that’s the best way to use him. This underscores the fact that Erik just doesn’t understand his players. Yes, ‘Bron’s a good passing forward, but he’s not a point guard and the Heat have guards that could bring the ball up and get it to James. Let them.

8. Acting as though nothing is wrong. There are losses piling up, players complaining, fans losing interest, and yet Spoelstra either says nothing or acts as though everything is fine. If he keeps it up, he’ll be watching the Heat on television.

7. The “Fan Up” campaign. Speaking of fans losing interest… Forget about offering fans incentives to come to games, how about offering them a winning team with a real coach? You have three of the best players on this planet and you have to beg the fans to show up? Are you kidding me?

6. No in game adjustments. Spoelstra’s known for preparation, but it seems like once he comes up with a game plan, he never wavers. That means that other teams are adjusting, while he isn’t. I mean, seriously Spo…can’t you be wrong sometimes? Can’t you come out of the half and switch up your game plan?

5. Spoelstra can’t coach big egos. With three of the best players in the league on his roster, you’d think that he’d figure out some way to get them to play together. However, he proved last season that he doesn’t understand chemistry, and this year he’s also showing that he doesn’t understand offenses. Now LeBron’s “bump” reveals just how weak the team’s bond is, and instead of dealing with the issue, he sweeps it under the rug claiming not to have even noticed it. C’mon Erik, we all saw you spin halfway around after the bump from ‘Bron. We saw it in slow-mo. The truth is, you can’t control your players, can you?

4. Someone has to take the blame. Fair? Maybe not, but realistically it’s a fact. On one hand, you have LeBron, the two time reigning MVP and possibly the most famous player in the NBA right now. On another you have Miami’s beloved star D-Wade, who won a championship and arguably should have an MVP of his own. Then, you’ve got Bosh, a dominant power-forward who led a terrible Raptors team to the playoffs. Each has been an all-star, each has been selected to an All-NBA team, and each was a top 5 draft pick. Finally you have Erik Spoelstra; a third-year coach with no championship experience. A team with such incredible buzz around them is failing to meet their potential. Someone has to take the blame and the fact is that Erik Spoelstra is the most replaceable part of the Miami Heat equation.

3. Lost belief. The team is breaking down and the media is talking. The dream team is gradually turning into a nightmare. As Dwayne Wade himself pointed out no one is doing well, not the players and not the coach. If the players don’t believe in the team, how can you ask the fans to?

2. There’s only so much time. It’s still somewhat early. Yet the further we get into the NBA season, the slimmer the chance of a Heat championship run becomes. We have players that have proven they can work together (remember that Olympics thing?), so we know what the problem is. Or rather WHO the problem is. Sooner rather than later, the organization will have had enough. Spo, you’ve got to go.

1. Spoelstra’s never won anything. Recalling the Heat’s 2006 National Championship season, a powerful Pat Riley stepped in to take over a Heat team that was just one game over .500, ultimately leading them to victory. Riley has 7 championship rings to show for his storied career, which is 7 more than Erik Spoelstra. NBA players are notorious for only following someone who’s ‘been there’, meaning, played in the league and preferably won a title or two. Phil Jackson and Doc Rivers command respect, but Erik Spoelstra looks like he wandered off of the set of a CBS sitcom.

Meanwhile, one of the best coaches in NBA history is staring down at Erik Spoelstra from the front box office. How long will it take until that stare turns into action?

A Win Amongst Hate

Hate is a very strong word that’s used much too casually these days. However, it is completely appropriate in the following statement: The Cleveland Cavaliers fans hate LeBron James. Each time LeBron touched the ball last night, it was amidst a cacophony of boos. I’d liken it to a playoff atmosphere, except I have never seen a playoff game with that much fan intensity. And poor LeBron, you could really see how it affected him…eh maybe not. With chalk flying near the scorer’s table, Bron ended up with 38 points for a Heat win; a good days work for the team. Also, notice how Lebron stayed away from the guard position last night? Could Spoelstra finally be realizing that LeBron works better in the forward spot? Have to admit, it’s a step in the right direction for Spoelstra and his learning how to best use his players. I still have no faith that he “gets it”, and even if he did, that’s still just one of his many problems.

Heat Win Tonight, Still 5th Though

Well, as much as you might want to celebrate a Heat win tonight, you have to understand that some wins don’t mean as much as others.  Tonight the Heat had a solid showing against the Pistons, but take a look at standings and you’ll quickly realize that Miami’s still a mediocre 5th in the Eastern Conference and that Detroit is still a sub .400 team.  So while a win’s a win, the Heat’s performance tonight doesn’t really translate into much.

Meanwhile, when the Heat’s schedule was released the first thing pretty much everyone did was look down the list to find out when Miami vs. Cleveland would take place.  That day would be tomorrow.  So with everyone excited about tomorrow night’s showing, let’s clear up some questions that people are wondering about.

Will Lebron perform his pre-game chalk ritual?

Yep, amidst a sustained and unanimous boo.  Make no mistake, it will happen.  It will happen because Lebron won’t allow himself to appear weak.  People in Cleveland already hate ‘Bron, so it won’t really change things when he throws the chalk.  What WOULD change things is if he holds it back – it wouldn’t endear him to the Cleveland fans, just make him appear weak.  Chalk WILL fly tomorrow.

Will Lebron James have a fight with a fan?

Not a chance.  He won’t be happy about what they’ll be saying and the gestures he’ll undoubtedly encounter, but Lebron is too professional to get involved.  This isn’t an Artest situation.

Will the Heat win?

It’s going to be a very passionate game for Cleveland.  The entire city wants a win and the Cav’s players all know that.  If Miami wins, it won’t really mean much either way.  If they lose however, it would be momentous for Cleveland and disastrous for Miami.  If the Heat play to their potential, they’ll destroy Cleveland…but on that note, if they played to their potential they wouldn’t have lost a game this season.  It’s not an easy call either way, and I certainly hope it’ll be just a quiet Heat win, but with the hopes of an entire city on their back the Cavs may actually take this one.

Also of note – all of the heat players keep backing Spo when they’re questioned about it.  As Shakespeare might say: They doth protest too much, methinks.

It’s T Shirt Time!

Fire Erik Spoelstra T Shirt

Fire Erik Spoelstra T Shirt

Just in time for the holidays!  We’ve thought about it long and hard, and the one thing missing from the Spoelstra situation is…a t shirt.

So we’ve stepped up to the plate to offer you the one and only “Fire Coach Spo” t shirt.  They’re available in your choice of color (we’d recommend black, white, or red obviously), as well as your choice of reverse design (King, Flash, Big Man, or Miami).

It’s one thing to realize that the Heat need a better coach.  It’s a another to get out there and REPRESENT.  So buy yourself a FireCoachSpo t-shirt!  Then wear your FireCoachSpo t-shirt.  Wear it to a Heat game.  Wear it to dinner.  Wear it to work.  Wear it until they Fire Coach Spo!  (Alright, you can take it off to wash once a week…)

Click Here To Buy Your Fire Erik Spoelstra T Shirt

The Odds Are Good

If it has more than one outcome, chances are that someone somewhere in Vegas is betting on it.  In this case, the ‘it’ in question is whether or not Erik Spoelstra will be fired.  And yes, people are betting on it.  One of the largest online gambling websites, bodog.com, recently allowed for a prop bet on Spoelstra’s situation, begging the question “Will Erik Spoelstra be fired or resign as head coach of the Miami Heat?”.  The current line for his firing stands at -155, with a +115 for his keeping the job until season’s end.

In other words, the odds are good that Erik Spoelstra will indeed be fired.  Go Heat

The “Bump”

Spoelstra has lost his players’ respect.  And if the Heat’s on-court performances weren’t enough to demonstrate this, Lebron’s Saturday night bump certainly did.  After a terrible on court sequence against the Mavs, a time out is called during which ‘Bron clearly bumps Spo while walking to the bench.  Take a look at the video above.

Spoelstra claims not to have even noticed the bump…which explains why he spun halfway around after it happened…which explains the look he had on his face…which explains why he met with Lebron for 30 minutes before the Wizards game.  Didn’t notice it.  Suuuuurrrreee.

James says he’s “got Spo’s back”.  But the King has made his decree.  Doesn’t look good for Spo.

Uncle Luke’s Take

Luther Campbell knows sports in Miami.  Simply put, he’s a die hard fan.  So when he speaks, we listen.  And he did speak – back in February the Miami New Times published an article of his entitled “Fire Heat Coach Erik Spoelstra”.  But Riley didn’t listen.

Take a Look Here

Fire Coach Spo

Welcome.  Now lets get down to business.

The Miami Heat are looking pretty sad lately.  Looking at the names on paper, you might think they’d be undefeated.  Watch them on TV however, and you’ll see them drop games to sub .500 teams.  The talent is here; we know that from their respective résumés.  The key players can work together well; we know that from the Olympics.  So why does the Dream Team look like a nightmare right now?

It’s the leadership.  It’s the coaching.  It’s Erik Spoelstra.

Fire Erik Spoelstra, replace him with a proven coach, and the rest will be history.  Go Heat.